the sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down...

"brick wall" Ansco shur shot, 120 Kodakchrome EEG, iso 100 (crossed-processed)

"The world was a good place to buy in. It seemed like a fine philosophy. In five years, I thought, it will seem just as silly as all the other fine philosophies I've had."

Jack Barnes, from THE SUN ALSO RISES by Ernest Hemingway

I just finished The Sun Also Rises about an hour ago. This quote in particular got me.

We all have a "philosophy" we live by. Some ideology, philosophy or religion governs the way we act and live in this world. For some it is selfishness, others it's selflessness. Some believe in God, others do not. Some are moved by patriotism, others are ashamed of their country.

One thing is certain-our beliefs evolve. They change; they grow as we do. Even one with an ardent faith see events in new light throughout their life, and they certainly can say that what they thought to be true in their younger years was a bit "silly." Although the root of their faith or ideal is the same, their understanding and reaction to that faith changes. I am confident that any reader of this post can agree with me. When I reflect, i can see these philosophies that have governed my days and laugh a little, and cringe...

What governs me now? What belief do i use as a guide and hold so dear in the present will fade away in the future?

It scares me. I feel doomed never to really know what to buy into...

Old ladies

"old lady 1 and 2" Ansco Shur Shot, 120 Kodakchrome EEG 100 iso (cross processed)

I want to do a series of old ladies walking around on the sidewalk, not knowing their photo is being taken. I took these photos a few weeks ago with a camera not really fit for what i wanted to capture, but it was all i has at the time. I am happy with how these came out, and it did inspire me to take more pictures of this sort, with better equipment.

it is just so damn expensive...

sorry...

"Gracie" Kiev 88cm, 120 Kodakchrome EEG 100 (cross-processed)

Sorry...

I have been slacking on the blog.

This is gracie, my friend daughter.

more to come, i promise.

A few observations...

"Hey Pauly..." Lubitel 166B, 120 Expired Konica 400 ISO

A few things that caught my attention yesterday...

The sign in the yard said "Free Dandelions"
It should say "Free Leaves"
The dandelions are all gone...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It is hard to write on a bus.
Sometimes it is hard to ride on a bus

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A five year old girl got on the bus today with her mother and little sister. She had a horse in her hands and life in her eyes. Everyone one on the bus saw this life, except the men right behind me in the very back. They were being very crude and loud in their talk. Everyone on the bus could hear the fuck word. Even the little girl. The bus driver stopped the bus and asked them to keep in down. "There are children on the bus," he said. The bus driver, an older and handsome man, didn't want to see the life diminish from the little girls eyes. I didn't want to see it either. The men behind me were angry. I smiled...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I walked up to table 101 to greet the ladies that were sat in my section in the cafe.

"Hello ladies," I said " How are you two doing today?"

"I am wasted on Vicodin," The seventy year old lady said, doped out of her mind. (it was 11:05 am as well)

"That's great," i said "Would you like a glass of wine then?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

1246 SE 49th Ave has 12 pumpkins on the porch. I don't know why this is important.

Front Row Seats

"The Painted Lock" Lubitel 166B, 120 expired Koniica, 400 iso.

"Front Row Seats," by Jambo Land

With a voice that commands the children to disarm and disband:
"Lay down your sticks, enough with your evil and nasty tricks
Leave that tree alone, I said leave that fucking tree alone, it needs to grow
Soon it will be the end of days and I desire a place to rest my head in the shade..."

I demand nothing less
than front row seats
to the apocalypse

With a voice that commands the cowards to rise up and and stand:
"You have been so weak, now its time you really acted meek
For the heroes and the brave have lost their footing, they have lost their place
This time is your own, hurry and take the throne built from the ashes of your whimpers of your cries of your moans..."

For faith is just religions way
of dealing with all the shit
you can't explain

and all my friends must think that i get off on blasphemy
but let me tell you the truth, my head has always believed
it's just that i embrace this little easy thing, you might have heard of it, it's called neutrality
So this is the very best way I can offer up some symmetry.

With a voice that commands the innocent to cut off their hands:
"You've made no mistakes, buy even you can't escape your pleasure, so lets take some preventative measures..."

The Traveler's Feet and A Moveable Feast

"The Traveler's Feet" Lubitel 166B, 120 Kodakchrome EEG 100 iso (crossed-processed)

"Can I sit here?" the man asked.

"Of course," I said, with what i believe to be an inviting look on my face.

He sat and read his article on the blazers. Nich was involved in science fiction book as I was discovering the greatness of A Moveable Feast. We all drank our coffee. Some time passed. We read.
I said my goodbye to Nich and made my way out of the busy coffee shop. I put on my scarf in advance, ready for the air outside. Brisk but welcoming. The trees in the city were (and are still) putting on a show for anyone willing to take the time and just look. "slow down, and enjoy..."
Walking by the park, i stopped and watched some children playing baseball. A kid slid into home base. Not so much the "true" baseball slide, but more like sliding on an icy sidewalk, or freshly waxed hardwood floors in socks. Standing up, but with limited control. Everything was how it had to be. I smiled, tucked Hemingway into my back pocket, and kept on...

i am thankful. I am blessed

I am way to content for this time of year...

Jeff and Cannery row (he lost his umbrella)

"Jeff and Cannery Row" Diana F+, 120 Expired Konica iso 400

fall is here. summer is gone...

ten things i wish to do fairly soon...

1- finish my portfolio.
2- do some of those photography projects i always talk about.
3- read "Dead Souls" by Gogol
4- vote
5- experience all the wonderful things Portland has to offer that I haven't got around to yet (powpow, I am dragging you along with me)
6-have a beard
7-learn to fly
8- apply to school (i need to do this)
9- start running
10- be awesome, all the time.

ilovetoday

"Peter's Bikes" Ansco Shur Shot, Expired 120 Konica 400 iso

Today is going to be a good day. So far it is shaping out well. Although everyone of us is super-broke, we (Lindsay, Ashley, Paul and I) managed to cook a nice breakfast for ourselves, with mimosas. Ashley and I are going to go to the park with our books and cameras. We are going to try to enjoy the sun one last time before she says goodbye to us. She will be back in june. Pedro and Goose are cooking up some curry for a bunch of us tonight. Should be fun.

I am content. It is nice to feel calm...

y la bamba

"Y la Bamba" Diana F+, 120 Fuji Provia 100 iso (cross-processed)

i have been thinking a lot. I have to be a photographer. I don't feel like i have a choice in the matter...

Day 21

"I wish I knew a chord..." Diana F+, 120 Fuji Provia 100 iso (cross-processed)

It has been three weeks today. NO SMOKES.

I am starting to feel better.

Above is Ashley (powpow). She is my lady friend. I hope you all get to meet her soon if you haven't met her already. She gives me smiles.

I think I am going to vomit...barf...

Timing/Waiting

"The Hall" Keiv 88 cm. 120 Konica 400

"Timing/Waiting" by Jambo Land

For pow pow

Well some say timing is everything
I think timing is nothing at all
It is just dumb-fucking luck
It is just how all your chips fall.
How the cookie crumbles, how the tumble weed tumbles
when you are getting wasted on your front lawn.
Waiting for your day to start, start, start moving along.
move along move along just move along...

And they are all now leaving in pairs...
And I am left with a stupid stare...
And she alone is mopping the floor...
And Mr. Fucking Figures is begging for more...

OH MY GOD! what have i said, spreading such nonsense
Your truth grabbed and held me in the dark with ease
And whispered to me, so bittersweet "Joseph, timing is everything."
Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no, but hell yes oh yes!
It is finally off my chest, I think that we can move along
we can move along, move along we can move along...

And they are now all holding hands...
And I am screaming "I am a man..."
And she alone is burned in my mind...
And Mr. Fucking Figures is coughing up dimes...

iknowhowtowait
iknowhowtowait
soiwillwait
soiwillwait
untilthatday
whenyoucansay
"ihavestucktomyguns
ihavehadagoodrun
maybewecanmovealong..."

81 and smoking

"81" Lubitel 2B, 120 Kodakchrome EEG 100 ISO (cross-processed)

No more smokes. I bought the gum. I am chewing it right now. I am tired of this habit that has consumed my life. Honestly, I would love it if i could just smoke with coffee or beer, but I just need to quit all the way for a good while.

this gum taste like a dead skunk's ass. All it does it speed up my heart rate.

I am going to stick to my guns...

move it along move it along

"self portrait in vegas (where is vegas?) Lubitel 2B, 120 Kodakchrome EEG, 100 ISO (cross-processed)

The air is changing. It is brisk. I have been finding myself with a slight chill in my bones. Fall is coming...

I find myself waiting. For what i am not not sure, but like the fall air, i can feel it coming. An anxiety I am strangely excited about. My page is going to turn, and like a novel with countless uncertainties, my story is going to unfold before me. And like a character in any book, I am going to react to these changes. By now, i am confident i am going to make the right choice with my life. I will cope and deal with it if i must. I will embrace it with joy, for i know that it is necessary for me.

there is so much i keep in. bottled up and waiting. I think it is going to be forced out soon. And i think is going to be beautiful.

ANSCO

"Chris looking up(at what?)" Ansco SHUR SHOT, 120 Kodakchrome EEG, 100 iso (cross-processed)

I bought an old camera a few weeks ago and got back my first test roll. It is an ansco shur shot, from the 1950's. It is a simple, 6x9 camera with no shutter, focus or apiture settings. Pretty much it is a glorified pinhole camera (with a lens)

I love it...

NIneteen

"A recreation of nineteen" Lubitel 2B, 120 expired Konica, 400 iso



"Nineteen" by jambo land

For Andrew Kirk

Tom Robbins saved you, Hermann Hesse saved me
Such awkard heros we have at the age of niniteen
Because Jesus wasn't king when we were niniteen

You had your great freak out on linolium floor
I had my great melt down in a snow storm
Nothing makes sense anymore, because we are nineteen

hey how are you? Ya, I was nineteen once too
hey how are you? Ya, I was nineteen once too once too
hey how are you? Ya, I was nineteen once too once too once tooooooo...

I am stumbling towards my sister's slum
In there I have a friend, his name is Mold E. von Molderson

"And I will never ever reread a sigle book that i read when I was nineteen.
Everything that that cursed year brought me was so goddamn confussing
i just want back my sanity."

the split series

This photo is the second of a series of six photos I am going to be hanging up at the Fine Grind next week. It is my first "series" of photos. The whole concept came from a mistake in the printing process. Some of my photos came out split in half with the next negative on the roll. The effect caught my eye pretty hard so I decided to roll with it.

For the first time in my life, i am calling myself a photographer. there is nothing else i wish to do.

Ice picks and Tony

Last night was rough.
I don't want to get into details, but it is very rare that I imagine stabbing someone in their bald head with an ice pick. I don't like having these thoughts. I don't have these thoughts often, but if I do, the person usually warrants them. Work was rough last night.

But today is a good day. I just finished some breakfast with peter and goose. We cooked at their house. (i just watched, no cooking here) I don't have to work until 4:00 and i have tomorrow off. It is going to be a glorious day.

This photo is Tony playing the harmonica. I was a little concerned at first because he was moving so much and I had a low speed film. "Why not make him move?"

It worked out okay...

Back in action...

Okay, things are now in order...

I have been able to budget myself well for the next month and I should be able to get all of my film processed in the next 5 to 6 weeks. I should have a lot to show you.

This first pic of the batch was taken on 120 Konica 400 ISO film. The film was three years expired and has a really washed out look to it. I shot this roll with a Diana F+ on the pinhole setting. I also made a mask over the film to give it a wide, choppy border. Even though the Diana is arguably the worst camera ever ( those who say this are usually camera Nazis), I love this little cheap treasure.

More to come. I promise. This pic is not the best, mostly an experiment. But i enjoy it...

Familiar Images - Noltee

I love this dog. No matter how bad of a day i have, Noltee always gives me some love. I am going to take him on a walk. It is a nice day.

15 hours

I worked yesterday for 15 hours at the olive garden.

this picture of Mr. Hazen sums up the feelings I had for everything by the end of that 15 hours...

photo news...

So, I am going to be taking a break from taking pictures for about a month or two. I really need to focus on getting the film I have taking processed and printed before I start with the projects I wish to do. I have about 25 rolls of 120 film i need to get off to the lab. It comes to about 15 bucks a roll. you do the math...

The good thing is that I will be able to share with you all of the pictures I have taken this summer. I should have a slew of them.

I have a series of projects coming up that I am excited about. I am looking forward to sharing them with everyone.

toddles...

A few bits...

Summer is almost gone in Portland.

A Lesbian told me I "did it" for her the other night.

One of my co-workers stole my Ipod

I want to go to art school more than anything.

What kind of grown man puts honey in their coffee?

I love my Portland friends (the blacks now qualify as "portland friends")

I love and miss my friends who are not here with me

Familiar Images - The chair

This is my throne. I have occupied this throne for the entirety of my year and a half stay in the Pacific Northwest.
Looking backing, most of the major decisions I have made in my life of late have been made in this chair. "Fuck Portland State. Fuck History. I want to go to art School...I am going to quit Olive Garden...I need to go back to Olive Garden...I hate Journey..." and on and on. I have realized how much I love my friends and family in this chair. I have had countless talks in person and on the phone. I have made my immediate plans for the day I was living in and plans that are going to dictate the course of my future all from this chair. It has kept me company many a drunk night and has nursed me back to health many a hungover morning. I have written song after song on this chair. I don't even want to think how many cigarettes i have smoked and beers i have consumed from this spot.

This photo explains my life of the last year wonderfully. Sloppy, confusing and dirty. But somehow, when looked at all together, it is beautiful. Each element is in harmony with each other. The dirt and grime only add to the color that is my life.

I am happy with my life, and my chair. It is a throne of a Ragamuffin.

hehehe

Because of the request of my friends, I shall attempt this again...

Enjoy...